Saturday, January 19, 2008


A.O.A. stands for Accent on Animals. A pet store where I buy cat food and kitty litter that's made from recycled newspaper, the kitty litter. I have no idea what's in the cat food. There's an old man who works there that I like enough to feel guilty calling him an old man. He tells me about the weather while waiting for my debit card to be approved. Moments that always seem longer than they should, waiting to be accepted. Calmly, waiting, the old man tells me what the weather will be like and he never picks the same day. Sometimes it's tomorrow or Tuesday. Sometimes as far as into the following week, but he never says if it's good or bad weather, which is nice. Last Wednesday I went to A.O.A. and the old man met me at the counter, swiped my card and looked down at me. He told me it was supposed to sleet and snow later in the day. And I looked up at him and said, "No, it's not. That was yesterday."

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Pine Cones

We live in a cuntry where at least 3 times a year you will see a glass bowl full of pine cones. The thrift store. It's a process, it takes time. Rummaging though isles and isles of junk. So much you have to squeeze and push just to pull an item out for inspection, but why pay full price for something you'll be tired of a year from now. Why pay when you can't. Sweaters. Around the corner there's an old lady by the shower curtains trying on red pumps. Shopping carts, we are all smushed together, excuse me, excuse me. I found two good sweaters. I try to look for the most ridiculous ones and then I scale down to normal from there to look like everyone else who wants to look like me, sections. While I'm classifying sweaters I swear to myself. A t-shirt. Now this is complicated. The good ones are usually found in the long sleeve/blouse isle. I am certain the employees of the thrift store do this on purpose. I can hear them disliking me in spanish. I found one in between two sweaters and I look up to see one short, tan woman smirking at me, she knows she hid it. Ha ha, I found it. A faded Bambi t-shirt. Bambi in the fog. It is Disney and I am against Disney. I also hate people who like Bambi, but this is a thrift store, I have to admit a descent find and it's $1.95, large. I always feel fat. Fuck. Well, the color's good and you can really hardly even see Bambi, so. Eagles t-shirts, bad season. Pink nylon frilly thing, a year earlier there's a woman purchasing this shirt going, "Why am I buying this?" or maybe it was a man learning how to be a woman and he didn't know. Somewhere at Target there's a person whose job it is market to these two distinct demographics. Shoes. You know you've been in the game long when buying used shoes has somehow made cents to you. I want velcro sneakers because it reminds me of retarded people or mentally ill adults. There's one on my bus route, mentally ill adult, and he always steps on his own feet, like on purpose. I think it's so cute, I want velcro sneakers! If I think about them long enough and hard enough I will find them. Still a Virgin! (this is an old t-shirt) Hawaii Actively Single Lucky Charms Hollister 22. I bent down to pick up a shirt that had fallen and found someone had drawn hearts on the floor. Fucking life is so gay.

Monday, January 7, 2008


I have three ways in which I would like to introduce myself. First, breakfast.
I take a total of four vitamins a day. Vitamin B-12 for my mood swings. Another vitamin B supplement called Bioitin that’s good for my skin and teeth, vitamin D for healthy bones and a strong immune system. Finally, Black Cohosh, which is also for mood swings, for post-menopausal women. I just figured, why not. And now, cigarette. Sweet, sweet first cigarette. That’s nice. Coffee too. Mm. Mm. Mm. I love coffee. And a bagel. Yummy.

Public Transportation. You never know what could happen. Or what smell will finally be the worst smell. Bum picking dead skin off his feet while eating a soft pretzel. Piss. Or what you might see if you actually look. Black man exposing his penis. Wow. I once asked one of the workers what the worst thing they saw was and the worker looked away for a second. Taking his time for me. “Probably dead people.” Jesus Jumpin.

I want to put the American flag on my floor and then cover it with catnip. Set up a video camera and film my cats rubbing, licking, and humping the American flag.

I think I'm going to die at 11:53. I have no idea if it's a.m. or p.m. Welcome to the 3:oo book.